In every social gathering there is at least one. At least one person who will try to hard too be cool. At least one person who will laugh at the worst possible time. At least one person who will say the wrong thing at the wrong time. So, before you start becoming the broski stereotype or the woman who accidentally laughs at the funeral, let’s show you how to not be THAT person.
1. If you saw it in a 90s movie, you probably shouldn’t say it. (Unless it’s Space Jam – then you’re good)
2. If they wore it in a 90s movie, you should probably save it for the 90s themed party, and not Friday night at the bar.
3. If you feel the urge to shout “that’s what she said” every five seconds, bite your tongue on at least every other one.
4. Wife-beaters are not tank tops. Buy a real shirt.
5. Is the size of your cross overcompensating for something?
6. Don’t force your political agenda on a first date. Unless, you know, you are with someone who likes politics. Listen, get to know them, don’t let your passion force someone into an uncomfortable situation. Tinder dates are not soapboxes, stop preaching.
7. Are you the person that needs to make sound effects while your friends are talking? If yes, please stop now.
8. When your friend orders a diet coke, stop reminding them that the first three letters are “die.”
9. If your friend likes cats, stop reminding them that you think cats are from hell.
10. If you are not black, just because your “friends” let you say the “N” word, doesn’t mean you should be screaming it at the top of your lungs in the club.
11. Stop trying to prove you’re “hood” by requesting the most obscure trap songs from the DJ. No, they won’t play “Baby Momma Booty” by LongDPause in the middle of their Top40 set.
12. If you were shotgunning NattyIce last week, stop pretending that you only drink your whiskey neat.
13. Stop sending them your manjunk – no one is excited about seeing it as you are about sending it.
14. Stop screenshotting.
15. North of twenty-five? Stop asking people to play truth or dare.
16. The same goes for Never Have I Ever.
17. Stop correcting everyone about everything. It’s LeviOsa not… LeviosA.
18. Stop stealing your friend’s spotlight. You don’t have to 1UP every story they tell. Even if it’s true, let them have their moment once in awhile.
19. Stop texting through your friends presentations at school and work. Chances are they will think you are laughing at them, not the memes you are reading on Facebook.
20. Unless your name is Taylor Lautner and you are contractually obligated to appear shirtless at all times, keep your top on.