*SpongeBob narrator voice*
Ahhh Western New York. Home of the best wings in the country (and yes, here it’s “wings.” Not “Buffalo wings.” Just wings. A double please), an amazingly horrible and proud football team (#billsmafia!), and some of the harshest winters in the country.
Before saying anything else, we just would like to issue a general ‘fuck you winter’ right now.
Don’t get me wrong, all of you people who can ski, or snowboard, or just love ice skating at Canalside for a first date, you’re all very nice. I’m sure you’re good people with loving families. We love you. But winter? Now that we can do without.
A lot of people around the country don’t understand the deep disdain for WNY winters so let me just help you guys out:
There. Now that we’re all on the same page as to why the Snow Miser can go fuck himself, I will continue…
Not only are there limited winter activities to participate in, you need to have a semi-advanced sense of coordination or skill as well as a wad of money to be able to participate in any of them. Granted ice skating can be pretty cheap, but even so, you have to know how to move around on a giant sheet of ice (which is super dangerous by the way) with a single blade strapped to each foot holding you up. Regardless of what some may think, not all Western New Yorkers can skate. Some of us take one step onto the sheet of ice and immediately become reacquainted with the ground, as mother nature intended.
Besides the activities, or lack thereof, there’s also the feet of snow and below freezing temperatures. WNY natives will have no sympathy for you on a brisk fall day or a rainy spring evening. While you’re shivering and searching for a second coat, we’re sunbathing and taking off layers (not literally because flu season is real, but you get what I mean). You honestly have no idea what cold is until you’re trudging through a foot of snow with your face wrapped up in a scarf that might as well be a ski mask, because the second you expose some skin it’ll turn red from the 30mph wind, and a negative 20 degree wind chill. Great stuff right there. Awesome.
So for the people out there who aren’t coordinated enough to snowboard, don’t feel like risking their lives on ice, and find snow angels extremely overrated, I think we can all agree: “Fuck you winter.”